Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Moving on

Two months ago, I wrote that I cheated on my ex-boyfriend and everything. I am not going to re-read what I said then, it's not important.  I talked to an old friend of mine, one who was not around when all of this happened, but who has been in contact with my ex. He confronted me about cheating on a party of a mutual friend of ours and I was taken aback. 'How did he know?' 'So he's really telling everybody I cheated on him?' I did not tell him my side of the story, because it was a party and honestly I did not think it mattered what I had to tell.

We recently met for a cup of coffee and I had the time and courage to tell him my side of the story. Bear in mind that I do not take it lightly. I hate myself for what I did and in no way am I trying to down play it. But he did. After I told him what happened and how it all came to be and why I did what I did. He asked me the following question: 'Did your actions achieve what you wanted to achieve?'

The answer is yes. I am a better person now. Not yet totally happy but getting there. I'm more independent than I have ever been. I'm putting myself and my education first and I'm trying to make my dreams come true. But so is my ex. When we were together I could not get him to do the things he secretly wanted to do. He seemed stuck. He only gamed and never really left our house to hang out with friends or do things, anything. Now he is doing good at uni, has more friends and meets up with them a lot and he seems to be taking better care of himself. He seems happier than he was when we were together, even if he won't admit it.

No matter how angry I am at myself for what I did to get here, we got here. Neither of us are stuck anymore. We are going where I wanted us to go and in the end that's what should matter to me. Not how we got here but the fact that we did. I gave myself the space to move on, but I also gave him the space to become his own person again, something I feel like I took from him when we were together. 

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